Why In The Long Run, Those People Doesnt Matter Anymore
Life this month has certainly been enlightening. I didnt know that meditation would bring about this sense of inner knowing about myself and other people. I’ve also began to realise that there are certain trends that people exhibit and there’s usually a pattern in how they behave. But yeah, there’s a bunch of illusions about myself and friends that I’ve released and I think I finally realise what I wanna do in life, what I want for myself and sorta have a little glimpse who my true authentic self is. There’s no hurry in learning who I am and what I want, I just got to keep working at it.
Sigh… Talking with Meiyi if taught me anything, it’s that life isnt about winning or grabbing awards (even though those are always fun.) And this is where I truly think we neighbourhood kids have it better than the elites. In ten years down the road, no one’s going to care what school you come from or how many As you scored. We have tasted the bitterness of falling down, being stepped on, abused, laughed at with our faces walloped in mud. And then there’s that sourness of relationships gone wrong and the occasional bout of sweetness when something finally went right. We are able to talk to cleaners, plumbers, gangsters and realise that they had some of the strongest, noblest heroes we had ever met. We may not be executives, lawyers or politicians when we grow up, but damn we are a lot more happier than many of them.
Dun ever let them tell you are not as smart, intelligent or anything less than you are. We have learnt that life is not about how many times we achieve, but rather how many times we pick ourselves up. Life is not about having as many friends as you can, but rather having friends that allow you to be who you truly want to be. When everything crumbles in ashes right before your eyes, we are able to stand proud and declare that we are going to build our lives again, somehow. That’s because we’re not bred for success, we’re bred for greatness. And hence we laugh at the hollowness of the petty paper chase, the insecure elitism that plagued so many that stepped on us.
Protected: EDITTED: This is what happened when I do not meditate.
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Some Reflections On Turning 20.
I’m not sure where I’m going where this blog anymore. Firstly, I do not possess that narcissitic quality that makes me wanna spew all my daily occurances for the scrutiny by people who seem to have a personal interest in me.I’m slowly losing interest in all that petty affairs and relationships with people whom I used to socialise with and the people whom i care seem indifferent to the fact that my birthday is approaching and that I do have a blog.
It’s not that I’m lazy; I have been through the biggest beating of my life in the latter part of 2009 and I suspect 2010 isnt going to go easy for me. I had so much self doubts about my true authentic self and went inside a lotus so much that sometimes it feels like a shouldnt be living life like this. One shouldnt be doing things like this.
And I’m going to be 20 soon. I should… really grow up. And maybe make some friends who kinda appreciate that.
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All The World’s A Stage
This precocious role I took in the world was possible only because the world seemed so unreal, the stage transected by lights, its fourth wall missing in order to afford a view to thronged but shadowy spectators. Everything I did was being watched. If I turned right rather than left, someone took careful notice. If I repeated a magic phrase, the words were recorded and obeyed. Those spectators were certainly real, though I did not know them yet, but what they were watching, this dumb show in which I played such a decisive role – it was merely a simulacrum of actual feelings. These tears were paste. What was slowly dawning on me was my extreme importance, something the audience had long ago suspected. Who were they. these spectators? I’d look up into the evening sky to see them ranked in blowing white robes, the hems wet with blood. When I had a fever I could hear them.
Edmund White, A Boy’s Own Story
